


Flash Forward

by quasiouster (QuasiOuster)



Series: Pictures and Images [4]
Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24498844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuasiOuster/pseuds/quasiouster
Summary: Neil spots a picture of a young Claire that leads to a future promise he'll have a hard time keeping.
Relationships: Claire Browne & Neil Melendez, Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Series: Pictures and Images [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718356
Comments: 30
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter takes place during 2x07 (Hubert) when Claire and Melendez are still on the outs, but he agrees to treat her friend Kayla. Excuse any typos! Minimal editing time makes for some slip-ups.

Neil signs off on a few charts for discharge and hands them to the nurse. He checks his watch and notes he has a meeting in a couple of hours, but is happy that the day appears to be a leisurely one for a change.

He only has Park again today with Browne and Murphy on Lim’s rotation and Reznick pulled into a special consult with Andrews. He’d tried not to snicker at Morgan’s open gloating with Park and Murphy, but he does sometimes enjoy the front row seat to his residents’ competitiveness.

Claire hadn’t been there, of course, still reporting to Lim until, well, until he figures out what the hell he’s going to do about her.

It’s true, he’s no longer as angry as he had been when they’d first had their falling out. His feelings have settled into an unfamiliar mix of disappointment, frustration, and a good measure of grief. They’d usually gotten along well, had worked hard to build that rapport with each other. He enjoyed mentoring her and was regularly impressed by her skills and commitment to her patients, even if she did sometimes get too involved. Yet what he hadn’t admitted to himself until recently – not even to Lim when they’d discussed it over drinks – is that his inability to get over the situation is more than the breach in protocol and poor judgment. It’s the betrayal of that comfortable professional relationship.

That her treatment had been the right call makes it even more difficult to reconcile. He’d successfully performed heart surgery on Louisa in the intervening weeks and is closely documenting her condition. While they are still studying the effects of her brain surgery, on which an article about the case has already been solicited for major publication, it seems to be helping with her anorexia. Louisa still insists it's worth it no matter the consequences.

Claire being right isn’t the point, he has to remind himself. She’d undermined his authority, broken his trust, even if it was in service to the patient – and her own ambition.

Working alongside her again the past couple of days as they’d treated her friend had weakened his resolve, though. Reminded of her compassion, her skills and instincts in the OR, her intellect, it’s hard not to want that by his side. And the things she’d said about him reinforced that urge to be the mentor she deserves as she grows as a surgeon. He gets a lot out of being his best for someone like her, someone who acknowledges all the ways to be excellent that are so important for a good surgeon. She understands the hard work and drive it takes to achieve it. He’s never worked with someone who gets that as much as Claire, who revels in it like he does.

Last night, she’d laid bare her gratitude, a genuine appreciation for what he’d done for her, even if it was just doing his job. And it had gotten to him. He recognized the transparent hope in her eyes that maybe it was enough for him to take her back, a silent admission that she felt a loss, too, beyond her stubbornness about being right. It’d made him second guess himself. He’d wanted to give in.

But he just couldn’t. He wasn’t ready to put it behind him.

Now, in the light of day, he thinks he can forget that moment of weakness and move on. Except when he looks down at his next patient, he's reminded of her friend still in his care and Claire now off his service again. With him and Park splitting rounds, he hadn’t even thought about the strangeness of seeing Kayla, yet here he is walking into her room to check on her.

He’ll just treat her like any other patient. And if he makes his visit a little more expedient that usual, no one can really blame him for avoiding any awkwardness. For the patient’s sake, of course, he tells himself.

Kayla’s color is looking better, that’s the first thing he notices. And she’s alone, her husband no doubt on some quick errand. Dash hasn’t left her side the entire time she’s been admitted. When she notices him entering her room, she smiles brightly, which he can’t help but match. Even with such a dire diagnosis, there’s something about her spirit that’s still so full of life. He can understand why she and Claire are good friends.

“How are you doing this morning?” he asks, pulling over a stool and taking a seat at her bedside.

“Not bad for a dying lady,” she replies. “Thanks to you.”

Neil checks her pulse and then squeezes her wrist in comfort. “All in a day’s work. Where’d your husband sneak off to? Hopefully, not to acquire any contraband that you’re not supposed to have so soon after your surgery.”

“That _is_ Dash’s M.O.,” she confirms, chuckling. “No, I made him go home for a shower, a nap, and a real meal. He was dead on his feet, and I won’t have both of us lying in this hospital if I can help it. I told him that Claire’s close by to keep an eye on me. You just missed her actually.”

Relieved at that, Neil smiles at her anyway. His personal problems with her friend aren’t of concern in the grand scheme of things.

“Yes, she’s down in the ER for the day assisting another doctor.” Neil does a routine check on her heart and lungs and notes a few vitals from the monitors into her chart.

Kayla seems content to chat away, and he rather likes her humor and fun demeanor. “She mentioned that too. It’s kind of nice, actually. Dash and I love that we get to see her here in her element. She feels bad for not being able to visit as much as we’d all like. She works so hard, and I don’t want to bother her with my problems by nagging her about visiting.” Neil flashes her a quizzical look. “I know it sounds silly given the circumstances. But she’s living her dream, and I know her work is important to her. I don’t want to disrupt it when there’s not much she can do about me dying.”

“Seems she proved you wrong on that count,” Neil gently ribs. “I’m glad we were able to help.”

“Me too.” Kayla leans back into her pillows, and the move draws his eyes to the pictures at her bedside. One is of Kayla and her husband and the other is the two of them plus Claire in what looks like a group selfie.

Kayla notices his attention on the picture and leans over to pick it up. “Cute, huh?” She smiles down at it with affection and then offers it to Neil to get a closer look. He takes it and examines the three people in it who look impossibly young and whose eyes are filled with youth and mischief.

Dash is in the middle and is taking the picture, probably for having the longest arms of the bunch. He’s dressed in a pirate costume, complete with eyepatch and hat. Kayla is next to him in what looks like hippie garb with a flowing headband and tie-dye outfit. Claire is squeezed in on the other side of Dash wearing some kind of covering on her head, but he can’t quite make out what she’s wearing or what her costume is supposed to mean. He glances over at Kayla, curious for an explanation.

“That was taken back in college,” she offers. “It was during that crazy pandemic. Remember when we were all essentially quarantined for months?” She shakes her head. “You’re a doctor, of course you remember.”

Neil does vividly remember that time. He’d been working at St. Bonaventure, and as a healthcare worker during a global health crisis, his life had looked a lot different than the average person. It’s strange how that seems so long ago and how much has returned to business as usual now.

“I remember,” Neil confirms. “Crazy times, indeed.”

Kayla nods. “Yeah. We were living in this group house sort of. It was a rowhouse with three apartments. Claire, Dash and I shared one on the second floor and there was a family on the first floor and another group situation on the third. Dash and I pretty much stayed inside, but Claire was volunteering with one of the mobile clinics as part of her pre-med curricula so she was our bridge to the outside world.”

This is the kind of interesting thing he likes learning about his residents. He’d had no idea, but it sounds just like something Claire would do.

“So, was this for a mini-party or just another Friday night in the group house,” Neil jokes. Kayla rewards him with a hearty, healthy sounding chuckle.

“Believe it or not, it was for Halloween … in June.” She grins thinking about it. “We were all going a bit stir-crazy, and then Claire comes up with this idea to have Halloween. Everyone in our house – all three apartments – had to find a costume from the random things in their closet. And then the neighbors heard about it and wanted to get in on it. It became this ‘thing’ we did on the entire block, and it was so much fun. Just what we needed with everyone so worried and stressed out. Claire orchestrated this whole social distancing trick or treat scenario, which the kids on the block loved. Each house had a time slot where we’d go deliver candy to different doors and then pick up candy they’d set out for us. And people would be at their windows or on their porches to show off their costumes.

Neil laughs. “That does sound amazing.” He looks back down at the picture and then holds it between them. “So, I’m guessing Dash is a pirate.”

Kayla giggles. “I remember being so weirded out that he just had an eyepatch lying around. Turns out he’d had it for some kind of treatment for a sty on his eyelid.”

“And you’re obviously a hippie. You just had all that vintage stuff in your closet?”

“I was a theater minor!” Kayla defends. “I actually had a few options. Hippie. Showgirl. Debutante. I almost did a few costume changes to be funny.”

Neil takes in Claire’s image again. She’s smiling openly, yet there’s that guardedness he’s used to seeing, and he supposes it’s not that surprising she had it back then. But she’s clearly having fun.

“I can’t quite figure out what’s Claire’s supposed to be, though.”

Kayla looks again, as if trying to jog her memory. “Oh yeah, this was great. Claire had all these weird odd jobs during college. Anything to make a little money on the side for books or bills, stuff her scholarships didn’t cover. This outfit was from her yearly gig at the Renaissance Festival. I don’t even know what she’s supposed to be, like a maiden or a peasant girl or pub wench. But she had two or three medieval gowns and headdresses she’d rotate through. This one was the best. She looked so hot in it, even Dash thought so.”

Neil’s surprised look makes her laugh. “It’s fine to hear that sort of thing from your partner when you have the kind of relationship I have with Dash and that we have with Claire. You know, I thought it would be weird when me and Claire’s old roommate moved out and Dash moved in, but it was great.”

She looks back at the picture fondly, stroking the frame.

“This picture reminds me that we can endure anything, you know. There we were in the middle of a pandemic. We didn’t know how lucky we’d be to have it ease up after a few months. So, we’re all worried about whether we’ll be able to go back to school or losing our jobs or getting sick. Yet we’re dressing up and laughing like idiots and taking care of each other. After we got through that, Dash and I got married and Claire moved into another group house for med school. But we never got too busy for each other. Even when things were hectic, she always showed up right on time.” Kayla smiles over at him, eyes misty. “Like she did now when she sent us to you."

“That sounds like a great friendship,” Neil says. Almost against his will, Kayla’s joy is outweighing his own warring emotions about the resident he’s so conflicted about right now.

“It really is. It’s a gift to find a close friend and a partner that get along so well. I know Dash is 100% devoted to me, but they have their own friendship, and I love that. If only I could use that to my advantage now,” she grumbles.

Neil laughs and shakes his head at her. “I heard about your scheming from Dr. Park. Good luck with that.” He and Claire may be on the outs, but he knows she doesn’t like people dictating her life.

“Ugh,” she groans. “I know. They are not cooperating at all.” She grabs his arm as he makes another note in her charts. “Hey, you wanna help?”

“Oh no, you’re on your own,” he says. There’s no way he’s getting embroiled in her plotting, not even if he and Claire weren’t having issues. 

“Come on! Do a dying woman a favor. All you have to do is kind of nudge her toward Dash if it comes up after I’m gone.

Ignoring her request, asks permission to check that her incisions are healing okay.

But Kayla doesn’t give up. “Now that Plan A has backfired, I have a backup. We used to collect recipes when we were living together. I did all the cooking of course. Claire didn’t have the time and Dash is a disaster in the kitchen. And I really like cooking and taking requests from them. So, we built this recipe box where they’d either find something for me to make or make a suggestion. And we’d write it down and add each new idea to our collection.

“After Dash and I got married, I kept the box and Dash and I would add to it or Claire would when she came over to hang out. It’s this inside joke with us, but also this legacy. So, I think I’m going to leave it to Claire. For whenever she stops running from men and starts considering a real relationship,” she says rolling her eyes.

“But the catch is that Dash gives it to her when he thinks he’s ready to dip his toe into dating. I think they could be so good for each other – different than what Dash and I have but also the love they both need and deserve in their lives. I’m so happy with Dash. He’s wonderful. And even though she doesn’t always believe it given how hard her life’s been, Claire deserves to be happy too. She’s afraid to get hurt, and I don’t want her to miss out. Life is too short for that. I tried to tell her, but she’s so stubborn.”

“That she is,” Neil agrees.

He catalogues what he knows about Claire’s early life: negligent mother, a childhood in poverty, clawing her way through college and med school, really afraid of emotional attachments if her relationship with Dr. Kalu was any indication. Yet her capacity for believing in and wanting the best for people is at a level he’s never seen before. During her first year, he’d told her that she’s special, and he still believes that. It seems crazy that she doesn’t see it in herself, but he can understand why.

And he also knows Kayla has her work cut out for her.

She’s looking at him with these pleading, hopeful eyes and he remembers that she means well and is on borrowed time. He can’t imagine things are going to turn out like she imagines. It’s one of the fantasies people tell themselves when they’re facing their own mortality and trying to make sense of the people and things they’re leaving behind. If this will help her feel better, it’s no big deal to him.

“Well, if it comes up, I’ll tell Claire to give it a shot. Deal?”

“Absolutely, Dr. Melendez. Claire was right. You’re the best.”

This makes him frown, thinking again about his and Claire’s fractured relationship.

Kayla adds, “Just don’t tell her. I heard from a little birdie that the two of you aren’t exactly on the best of terms right now, which will of course blow over. But I don’t want to get in the middle of that. And extra thanks for seeing me of course.”

Neil chooses not to comment, instead focusing on a few more checks before he moves to his next patient. She’s still smirking at him and holding the picture when Dash walks in.

“Hey, Dr. Melendez!” Neil smiles at Dash and returns the greeting. Dash then leans down to kiss his wife, noticing the picture when he straightens again. He takes it from her and laughs. “This is one of my faves.” Placing it back on the night stand, he grabs Kayla’s hand. “Remember how hot Claire looked in that Ren Faire outfit?”

Flashing an I-told-you-so glance back at Neil, Kayla squeezes his hand and joins in his laughter. “Totally hot. She’s got the rack for that kind of outfit, that’s for sure.”

The conversation has definitely turned surreal. His resident’s décolletage is the last thing he’d expect anyone to make a topic of conversation.

“On that note, I’m off,” Neil says, a bit awkward about the turn in topics.

“Oh, sorry. That probably sounds weird.” Dash, pulls a chair over and sits back in his usual spot at his wife’s side. “I swear it’s not creepy. Despite my wife’s nefarious plans to play matchmaker, I’ve never had any designs on Claire or her rack.”

“Well, now that Dr. Melendez has given me a few more breaths to breathe, I’ll have that much more time to plan every aspect of the rest of your life. You’re welcome.”

Dash’s eyes soften and moisten a touch. “Lucky me,” he tells her, his words taking on so many different meanings.

Neil smiles at them, truly happy that he could give them something positive to look forward to in what sounds like a difficult journey.

Kayla narrows her eyes at him. “In the meantime, though, when this squabble between you and Claire gets sorted out, think about making it up to her by taking her to dinner would you? You seem like a nice fellow. And Claire’s amazing, of course. You could do worse.”

“Alright, I’m definitely out of here.” Neil says turning from her bed. His pager goes off, and he’s already shifting his mind from thoughts of Claire and her lovely, if slightly annoying, friends. “Dr. Park and I will check in on you a little later,” he tells Kayla, squeezing her arm and walking out. As he’s retreating, he can hear Dash chastising her.

“Babe, that’s her boss. Don’t make things weird for her.”

“It sounds like it’s already weird. And look at him. They’d be adorable together. And they clearly have a …”

Thankfully, her voice trails off before he can hear anything that will even further disturb him. 

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Neil sits in his office nursing the last of his coffee as he finishes going through his messages for the morning. He checks his watch and notes that he should head out in a few minutes.

Claire and Shaun are finishing up patient charts after rounds, both engrossed in their administrative work. They’ve got a consult in about five minutes, and Audrey says it should be an interesting one, although she hadn’t had time to say why. Shaun is practically giddy about it. Given his recent personal difficulties, it’ll be nice for him to have something to fully occupy his attention.

He’s feeling pretty good today, refreshed. Last night, he’d gone to bed early and gotten a full night’s sleep, the first he’s had all week. A lighter than usual schedule is helping his disposition as well. He’d started off the day with a run that Claire had joined half way through. It’d gotten him to hit another two miles as he continued running with her after he’d reached his daily distance.

Almost on instinct, he raises his eyes to glance at Claire, sitting at the conference room table tapping at her laptop. She looks as if the morning is agreeing with her too. Her posture is relaxed, her expression alert but not tense. Bright, green eyes dart back and forth as she reads through the information on her screen devoid of the tension he’s seen in them all too often over the past few months. Her soft, wavy hair is down today, spilling over one shoulder until she absently tosses it back. Shaun says something to her and she grins, uttering a response that amuses him too judging by his posture. Then she returns her attention to her work. She looks good. Calm and focused. And beautiful.

Neil averts his eyes, not wanting to be caught staring at her, especially with that last thought running through his head.

She’d convinced him to continue their friendship outside of work, but he knows he needs to be careful. Ever since Audrey called him out for having a problem favoring her, he’s been aware of the dangerous edge to his relationship with Claire. She’s attractive, funny, brilliant, and she gets him in a way no one else does. He likes spending time with her. Even though she jokes a lot about him putting up with her, he reminds her that he gets a lot out of their friendship too.

Claire is special, he’s always thought so, and getting to know her on a personal level like this only strengthens that belief. And nothing inappropriate has happened between them. He’d been honest with Audrey about that. But he also recognizes that he’s incredibly lonely after his breakup. That could lead to all kinds of complications if he’s not vigilant, which is why he needs to keep himself in check.

For now, though, things are good. Great, in fact. Not since the day she’d called him out for overcompensating has their relationship felt weird. They had a nice dinner that night, continued their runs, chatted during their workouts at the gym a couple of times. All harmless stuff.

They’d even gone bowling the other night, one of the reasons he hasn’t gotten much sleep this week. It’d been worth it. They’d had so much fun, mostly because she’s a terrible bowler, and he got to tease her about it all night. She took it with good humor and needed the distraction to get over her disagreement with Morgan. They’d talked it through and then he’d told her stories of spending Wednesday nights in med school at the bowling alley with his study group to blow off steam.

And she’d told him funny stories of the odd jobs she’d done in college. Some of it sounded familiar, maybe some story he’d overheard her tell the other residents, he couldn’t quite remember. They’d had a fascinating conversation as he questioned her about her time as a focus group recruiter for tech companies.

As he finishes reviewing the last of his emails, Neil realizes that he’s smiling a little at the memory of that night. It feels good to finally be in a place where he’s not spending all his energy pretending to be “fine” for the people around him. He really is fine.

Neil closes his laptop and grabs his tablet, ready to get on with the day. Both Shaun and Claire look up at him when he strolls into the lounge. “Ready to go?”

Claire nods as she finishes typing and then closes her laptop. Shaun had already completed his charts and was looking up something on his phone. He grabs his coat and they head over to see their patient. On the way, Neil asks for a summary and Shaun rattles off the patient’s stats with Claire adding a detail here and there.

And once they meet with the patient, he understands why Audrey called it an interesting case.

Shaun is going to have a field day on this. And he'll admit that he likes cases where he can brainstorm with the gifted doctor without it being some dire life or death situation. Shaun’s unique perspective is always an advantage, and is in demand for any case where the unexpected could be particularly fatal. Park he appreciates for his level-headedness and decisiveness about patient care and in the OR, which makes him a solid frontrunner for chief resident. Morgan is a great resource on the latest research methods and leads the residents in the number of case reports and publications on her CV. And although her fellow residents might grumble about it at times, Claire’s patient satisfaction scores blew the others away while simultaneously having the lowest mortality rate among the group, even on their ER rotations.

Shaun and Claire were the perfect duo for helping to identify a mystery diagnosis as his two most innovative residents. It’s shaping up to be a pretty excellent day for him.

They let the patient know that they’ll review her information and be back with some next steps. She tells them to take their time and pulls out a tablet, pen, and notepad, apparently very familiar with the process of waiting things out.

As they leave the patient’s room, he thinks about how exciting it’ll be to work with a full medical history. It’s a lot of information, but that level of legwork will no doubt make a difference. He’s eager to get started.

“Set up in the lounge,” he tells Claire. They’re going to need a lot of space to hunker down and figure this out. Someone in oncology had borrowed their whiteboard so he’ll have to call over to get them to drag it back in. He turns to Shaun who’s carrying the external drive with the patient’s medical history. “And get me copies of each of those—"

“Dash! Oh my God!” Claire’s voice cuts him off and he turns to see a man walking toward them, somewhat familiar, but certainly Claire recognizes him. And then he remembers Claire’s friend and her husband that he’d treated last year. “What are you doing here?”

Neil is curious as well. Other than her mother a few years ago, he’s never heard of any personal visitors at the hospital for her. She’s actually pretty good about keeping her personal life separate from work despite Park’s jokes that she’s an over-sharer. And he hadn’t heard Claire mention Dash in nearly a year, not since right before her friend’s funeral, which they’d talked about when she’d asked him for the time off.

“Uh, you changed your number,” Dash says, awkwardly.

Claire looks embarrassed, waves away his concern. “Right! Um, it’s a long story.” She turns to him and Shaun. “Dash, you remember Dr. Melendez? Dr. Murphy?”

Dash nods. “Yeah, of course.” He gestures toward Neil. “Uh, you gave my wife six more good months. We considered renaming our cat after you.”

Neil thinks that’s strange, but is weirdly honored.

Of course, Shaun pipes in with some well-timed yet equally odd wisdom.“That would have been foolish. Cats remember their names.” Dash looks as if he doesn’t really know what to do with that information.

This chance encounter and mention of his late wife, sparks a memory he hasn’t thought of since the day it happened. A request made and dismissed immediately at the time. Had he really agreed to it?

Kayla had asked for his help in getting her husband and Claire together after she died.

A tightness in his gut rips through his good mood. He can’t control the rising discomfort at what this visit from Claire’s old friend might mean.

Immediately, he pushes down the flare of emotion. He doesn’t want to make things weird, and there’s no point jumping to conclusions. Kayla had also made a point of talking about what good friends her husband and Claire were. If he hasn’t been able to reach her, this is probably just a social call to make sure she’s okay.

“Sorry for your loss,” he offers. “I wish we could have done more.” Dash nods, accepts his words, though no doubt he’s heard it more than he cares to remember. “We’ll let you two catch up.”

He begins walking away before his sour mood starts showing, gesturing for Shaun to follow. Before he can stop himself, he looks back to catch Claire’s excited smile at seeing her friend and then the tight hug they give each other, holding on for longer than is casual. He frowns as he sees the way Dash is looking at her, as if she’s the welcome taste of something sweet he’s been craving.

He shakes off his concern and tries to redirect his attention back to their case and instructions for Shaun.

“If it didn’t already have a name, Dr. Melendez would have been a good one for a cat,” Shaun declares as if _that_ comment was the thing to sour his mood.

Neil looks at him, and can’t help but grin. “Thanks. I guess.” Shaun nods. “Anyway, let’s get copies of those scans, and we’ll start on a list of conditions to consider or eliminate.”

He’ll just have to deal with his emotions over this turn of events later.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

Neil checks his watch and frowns at how late it’s gotten. He hadn’t even noticed. Between clearing his schedule in the morning to brainstorm with Shaun and Claire about his consult, and then picking up a few more in the afternoon, he’s been running around all day.

Shaun had stopped by about 20 minutes ago to give a final report on their patient for the night. She was resting comfortably – or as comfortably as one can the night before surgery. Claire had still been on the last of their rounds and probably finishing up charts. She tends to do them all at once at the end. She says it’s easier for her to combine any questions or approvals that require an Attending rather than going back and forth.

Calling it a day sounds like a good idea. He grabs his briefcase and throws in a few articles he’d like to catch up on while eating his late dinner. Coat in hand he flicks off his office light and heads toward the elevator.

He slows as he reaches the split in the hallway. As is happening with more frequency lately, he wonders what Claire’s doing and if she’s already left.

The last time he’d seen her was outside of the cafeteria before his last consult. He’d given her and Shaun instructions for which patients to round on first and some reference materials he wanted them to pull before they left for the day. Claire had made a joke, asking if they needed even more than what they’d already compiled up in the lounge. Her exasperation made him chuckle as Shaun nodded his agreement and then ran off to answer a page. He and Claire had strolled up the stairs together, casually chatting about his consult, and she’d made some vague comment about catching up later to satisfy her curiosity over his diagnosis.

He didn’t ask about Dash.

Then the afternoon had gotten busy with no sign of her or her burning curiosity. He’d actually been eager to get her input – or at least that’s what he tells himself when he decides to make a quick detour to see if he can catch her before she leaves.

The hallways are pretty quiet at this hour. The evening shift is settled in and the vast majority of day staff, even the workaholics, have cleared out. He approaches the locker room and notices that it’s dark. It’s possible he just missed her. But as he steps further into the room towards the aisle where he knows Claire’s assigned locker is, he finds her sitting on the bench completely lost in thought. He doubts she’s even heard him come in. She’s back in her regular clothes, but her coat is at her side. She’s clutching a shoebox and he’s not sure what to make of it.

“New kicks won’t help you outrun me,” he jokes, startling her out of her thoughts as he walks toward her. However, she quickly recovers and chuckles at the jab.

She looks down at the box and then opens it. Inside are what look like notecards. “They’re recipes. From Dash. Well, from Kayla. Kayla by way of Dash. It’s complicated.” She sighs.

And this confirmation of his suspicions prods that memory again:

A framed picture of Claire with her friends from their college days.

A dying woman’s promise.

Feelings that are no longer distant or dispassionate about what he wants to be to Claire.

Neil tries to keep his cool, but he’s stunned and totally rattled. He knows what’s coming but waits for her to say the words.

“He asked me out on a date.” She flips the box lid closed and looks to him as if he can provide the perfect explanation for how she’s feeling about it all. But how the hell can he help her sort out her feelings when his own are in complete chaos?

Neil covers his shock and discomfort by slowly taking a seat next to her, clutching his coat and bag and leaning forward so he can look her in the eye more comfortably. 

“What’d you say?” he asks before he can examine whether he’s ready to hear her thoughts and desires on the matter.

She shakes her head. “Nothing. I stammered and then I fled,” she reports, matter-of-factly. They both erupt in laughter. The mental image of the normally unshakeable Claire Brown pulling an awkward cut and run, amuses them both. The levity slices through that acidic dread he’s feeling over this ethical conundrum he’s faced with.

He can no longer lie to himself about his attraction to Claire; doesn’t want to, really. It’s not how he’d meant for things to go when she’d pleaded with him to remain friends. Yet here he is, gently teetering on the precipice of love with someone he shouldn’t. And as impossible as pursuing anything with her is, he feels physically incapable of betraying his own desires by pushing her toward someone else while he feels this way.

Their laughter dies down and the weight of the situation settles on them again – for Claire, whether to accept her friend’s proposition and for Neil whether to fulfill a promise to make sure she does so. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say when he’s feeling so conflicted.

“What did you want to say?” he asks, almost afraid to hear her answer. Afraid of the disappointment he’ll feel that she’s not conflicted for the same reasons he is. But it buys him time to find out what she wants, and maybe it’ll help him find the right resolution for the both of them.

She shares with him admissions and doubts and fears that represent an openness that’s come to define their friendship in the last few months. As he listens to the confidences she trusts him to keep, he feels both exhilaration and a responsibility to make things better, to give her what she needs. And right now, that’s so mixed up with what he wants for himself. And then there's what he promised a dying woman who knew and loved Claire before he’d stumbled upon his own pull toward her.

“I don’t trust myself not to hurt someone I care about,” Claire finally declares. Her gaze is direct, piercing. It’s raw and honest. He can’t take much of it before looking away. 

What if he does just admit right here and now that he’s got feelings for her? That he wants to be with her. What does that get them?

At worst, it destroys a friendship they both value because he’s burdened her with desires he doesn’t want to control. And at best? If she even shares his feelings, they get nothing. They pine away, unable to act on it without ruining their careers. There’s no scenario that makes for a happy ending. And Claire deserves that for everything she’s gone through and everything she strives to be for those around her, despite the hardships she’s endured.

She’s vowed that she wants his mentorship and his friendship. He won’t be another person to overstep the boundaries she’s set in their relationship. He won’t do that to her. And despite his misplaced hostility towards Dash, he seems like a nice guy who would treat Claire well judging by what Neil had seen between him and his late wife. Maybe Dash isn’t the kind of guy Neil imagined Claire would go for, but neither is he. And that’s not his decision to make anyway.

Neil’s lack of focus as he reigns in his racing thoughts have left a lull in the conversation. Claire is still regarding at him as he stares at anything but the pleading earnestness in those expressive eyes of hers.

“Claire.” Saying her name stirs his duty to find the right words to say to her. Willing himself to get through this without blurting out something he shouldn’t. “It’s not that complicated,” he settles on, finally, even though he’s feeling the situation is exactly that for him. Gathering his fortitude, he turns to meet her gaze. “You lit up when you saw him this morning.” This time, Claire turns away, seemingly unsure of her own feelings. “He seems to make you happy.”

He glances away again, his chest tightening as he does as promised, giving Claire a chance to experience courtship and affection without all the baggage he’d bring to a relationship. To trust in Kayla’s hope that grief could spring forth a connection that would give Claire the love she’s been too scared to grab hold of.

He sees how hard she’s struggling with whatever emotions are warring in her head and her heart. They’ve talked about her inability to find happiness, whether it’s eluded her because she’s learned how much easier it is to expect the worse. If she’s not supposed to find happiness with him, it’s still something he desperately wants for her, even if she doesn’t have the strength yet to want it for herself.

Neil watches so many emotions play across her face, but his eyes remain steady on her when he reveals a little more of his heart.

“You deserve to be happy."

He doesn’t prepare himself for her pure, instinctive response to his words. Her beautiful smile and shining eyes so full of gratitude and friendship. A smile that says his words must be true because she believes in him and trusts him.

It’s too much. He has to look away.

They sit side by side for a few moments, both in deep thought and listening to the distant sounds of the hospital routine. Neil knows he should move along, but he likes being with her. Even this kind of emotionally complicated situation is something he doesn’t mind because he still prefers her company to almost anyone. He doesn’t think he’s wrong in believing she feels the same.

The sound of footsteps behind them breaks the comfortable spell and Claire clutches the box of recipes closer.

“I guess I have a lot to think about,” she says, grinning nervously as she glances at him again.

“I guess so. Don’t overthink it though. It’s not a marriage proposal.”

She nudges him in the arm. “Smartass.”

He rubs his arm pretending to be hurt, which has the expected response of making her laugh. She stands and puts the shoe box down to close her messy locker and then put her coat on. He follows her lead and slides on his own coat. By unspoken agreement, they walk out of the locker room and toward the elevator to the front entrance. 

They do end up chatting briefly about his consult and she offers her help in doing some research the next day, which he happily accepts. She thinks it might make for an interesting paper. Now standing outside in front of the hospital, she turns to go toward the garage and wishes him an easy goodnight.

“Hey, see you at the track in the morning?” he asks, hopeful and hating himself for it. Claire smiles at him again, and he mostly feels that it’s worth it even if he’s a little pathetic.

“You bet. You better get some rest, though. It might be the day I finally outrun you.” The challenge in her expression and playfulness in her voice ignite that now familiar attraction and longing for her.

Not trusting himself to respond without being openly flirtatious, he dismisses her with a wave of his hand and turns toward the parking lot. “Keep telling yourself that, Browne,” he says in retreat. He hears her fading giggle and fights the losing battle to not turn back for one more glimpse at her. His gaze is just in time to catch her sparkling eyes alight with joyful mirth before she walks off.

He’d done the right thing, tonight. He’s proud of that. But as he folds himself into his car, a weariness sets in. The first thing he’ll do when he gets home is poor himself a stiff drink.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

Neil is annoyed. He checks his watch and sees that he only has a few minutes before his next meeting.

Not only has he been running back and forth between meetings and consults all day, he’s juggling a maddening series of scheduling problems. After a patient’s cancelled surgery, they’re no closer to finding a way to operate without side effects the patient deems unacceptable and a complicated brain surgery as a consolation prize if they can’t figure something out. On top of that, he’s dealing with a heartbroken, insubordinate resident who insists on being a real asshole and working his last nerve. He knows Claire and Shaun are friends, but he did not envy her having to put up with Shaun’s shit for the rest of the day.

Claire. Thank God for her.

It hasn’t been all bad as he let her take the lead with the patient, impressed by her measured assurances and explanations to Finn, even when he pushed back. They’d even had a funny moment in the OR before things had gone south when Shaun got under her skin about her penchant for tall, good looking neurotypical love interests. He’d been curious about her response to that too, and laughed at her clear discomfort and embarrassed glance in his direction. They’d had a conversation just a few days ago about how she had a type. There’s no way he’ll be able to refrain from teasing her about that later.

She’s remained professional and calm through Shaun’s bad mood and uncalled for snipes, including his exploiting the recent favoritism complaint. Neil had summoned an impressive calm at that barb as well. Then again, he’s done playing into that paranoia.

Admitting to himself how he feels about Claire and accepting that nothing can come of it, actually makes things a lot easier for him. And with Claire now dating Dash and his personal interactions with her now far-removed from prying eyes, the speculation about his friendship with Claire has died down. Or so he thought.

He hasn’t really heard much about how things are going with Dash. It hasn’t really been that long though. He’s convinced himself that things are going great to justify his decision to push them together rather than act on his own doomed attraction. 

Maybe she doesn’t want to jinx things by talking about it too much – or talking about it with him specifically. He’s kind of curious, though. It has never been a concern that Dash wouldn’t treat Claire well, more that Dash’s chivalry could be the thing that drives Claire up a wall. He seems like a nice guy, attentive, romantic, even. All the things Claire swears she hates in a man she’s dating. He’d seen it with Jared and she’d teased Park about it more than once during surgery as the resident courted his ex-wife. So, if Claire is turning over a new leaf, he’s interested in hearing how that’s playing out.

Not for personal reasons, of course. That ship has sailed.

More likely, it’s that they’ve all been really busy without Shaun on regular rotation. He and Claire usually found at least one moment during the day in passing to catch up. But with her on Andrews' rotation most of the week, he’s barely seen her. It’s why he’d been looking forward to working with her today before it had become such a disaster.

Neil considers grabbing some coffee before his meeting since he still has a million things to do, but just thinking about Claire guides his footsteps back toward his office.

He tries to tamp down the contentment at seeing her in the lounge alone deep in thought. She’s burrowed into the couch with her computer in her lap and a notepad beside her for notes. For whatever reason, she’s always preferred brainstorming with pen and paper rather than taking notes on a tablet or scrawling on a whiteboard. She’s cradling a mug of tea since she avoids coffee after 4pm during a day shift. He can already tell from her posture and expression that she hasn’t found the solution she wants, but that gritty determination is still there. It reminds him of that drive, that calling that had drawn him to a career as a doctor.

It’s both comfort and torture that he so easily knows these details about her life.

Neil strolls through the door, trying not to let his pleasure at seeing her reveal itself as he asks how things are going. Sitting in the chair next to her, she hands him the laptop to look over the scans and her notes. She cuts to the chase about her failed theories, but before they can get into it, one of the nurses pops her head in looking for Claire.

“Dr. Browne? These just came for you.” In her hands is a modest bloom of vibrant flowers, nothing he recognizes as a traditional arrangement. If one were going to get flowers for Claire, this would be the kind to get her.

Claire seems embarrassed as she leans into him, meeting and then avoiding the gently accusatory look he’s giving her. She thanks the nurse and then scoots over to cradle her new gift, immediately bringing it to her nose to sample the fragrance. He’s can just pick up the mild floral scent from where he sits across the table.

Neil tries to sound casual as he asks her about it. “Dash is a romantic. I thought you hated romantics.”

Still sniffing at the bouquet, Claire chuckles, a bit distracted. “Ah…he’s teasing me. I told him I thought guys who sent flowers are lame,” she admits, finally turning to him.

Neil ghosts a smile back to her, a little strained at seeing the effect Dash’s teasing is having on Claire. She seems delighted, and then surprised at her own delight. He watches her quietly, enjoying this happy look to her but disappointed that he can’t be the one to make her giggle like that at some endearing gesture. At least not in the romantic sense.

She samples the bouquet’s fragrance again. “We haven’t even kissed yet.”

“What are you waiting for,” Neil asks, a little more harshly than he means it to be. The way she tenses at the question, he knows he’s put her on guard and feels bad about it.

“I don’t know,” she snaps back. “Um, I enjoy being with him. Actually, I forgot how funny he is,” she muses, smiling as if remembering some joke or teasing that still amuses her. “Just … hasn’t seemed like the right time.” She fidgets, that discomfort returning. She seems unsure maybe of her own feelings, letting all the doubts and fears creep in.

Their eyes meet briefly before she looks away.

Neil nods, knowing all too well the ache of that uncertainty. Having the source of that ache so close right now, talking about someone else being all the things he wants to be to her – the teasing suitor, plying her with romantic gestures just short of pissing her off. The one to make her smile remembering his company and the shared jokes and conversation. That he can’t have that with her haunts him. And he has a feeling that it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

He can’t think about it, all this talk of courtship and angst. Can’t dwell on the unfairness of it never being the right time for the two of them, no matter how good he could be to her. He glances at her again, sees her emotions continue to flicker across her lovely face.

Why does he do this to himself? He needs to refocus.

“I’m more worried about stroke risk than spinal instability.” Claire immediately snaps back into professional mode, taking in his feedback. “So, focus on fixing that.” She thankfully misses his weak smile as he gets to his feet, now desperately feeling the need for that coffee to get through the rest of his day.

Yet, moving to the door, he feels as if he shouldn’t leave things as they are.

She’d opened up to him and he’d kind of dropped a bomb that led to her doubting herself. Now he’s leaving her to her insecurities. It sounds like she’s doing everything right, and she really should be taking things slow. He’d let his crankiness get the best of the situation.

He stops before he gets to the door and turns back to her. “Claire, it’s okay to take your time. Go at your own pace and do what feels right. You don’t owe anybody anything.” She smiles and nods, a break in the serious look from before. “And if he’s the right guy, stop holding out for the right time. _Find_ the time and go for it.” He pushes his dark thoughts away and grins warmly at her, knowing it’s the right thing to say. He doesn’t wait for a response, just turns and heads down the hall. She seemed stunned by his words, and he realizes that she has a lot to work through.

Hopefully, Dash is up for the journey. And if not, he’ll always be there for her. As her friend.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

Most of the lights in the hallway were off. The cleaners had already come through his office and he hasn’t seen anyone pass through the hallway in over half an hour. Neil thought it felt strange for everyone else to be having a slow day and early night when his last 24 hours have been such a whirlwind.

He checks his watch and realizes it’s way past the time he’d set for himself to head home. The lack of sleep and stress of the day are rapidly catching up to him.

Last night had been rough. He caught a little sleep on the couch in the lounge before waking up early and continuing to detail a surgical plan built on Claire’s clever idea. Yet again, he thought about how lucky he is to work with her. No one could match Shaun in terms of innovative ideas, but Claire came close. And her commitment to giving her patients the very best inspired him.

So, he’d stayed up connecting the threads of her idea, piecing it together, twisting it around. And then finally a solution that would work emerged. Their brainchild so to speak.

When she and Shaun had walked into the office that morning, he’d been tired, but almost giddy with excitement at having found an answer to their problem. After a shower and a change of clothes, he’d presented the idea to the patient and they were on their way. Until Shaun had once again complicated things and worn out the last of his patience.

And then the situation with the patient descended into even more drama he’d heard from Claire and Shaun – a jilted girlfriend, a Louisville Slugger, a mint condition Porsche and a pretty colorful police report. He’d slept through most of that, thanks to a quick power nap, but Shaun and Claire’s retelling of the incident gave him a good idea of how crazy it had gotten. It had even delayed their surgery by half an hour and almost lost them their OR.

The surgery itself had been touch and go. Shaun’s bad attitude still lingered, despite Neil’s warning for him to get it together. Shaun had been a little petulant, but seemed to be working with them rather than against them at least. That’s until they’d run into a hiccup and the resident had gotten in another dig about their pursuing Claire’s plan. Neil had pushed down the flare of annoyance as he gently chastised Shaun for jumping to conclusions. The worry in Claire’s eyes was evident, but he caught her attention and they refocused by again bouncing ideas off of each other.

Times like these, he marveled at how easily he and Claire collaborated, how much he enjoyed their banter, knowing when to be light and when to focus. He’d seen the hurt when Shaun had taken that shot at her before begrudgingly acknowledging their good idea. It drew a sarcastic chuckle from him at Shaun’s graciousness in giving them credit.

Damn right it had been a good idea. Because he and Claire are that good together.

Pausing, that thought sends him reeling as he lets the strap of his briefcase slip from his fingers. And he becomes angry once more at drifting into territory he knows he shouldn’t go.

Neil spots a shadow coming down the hall, and sees Claire drifting toward his office. Of course. Sometimes it seems like he conjures her to him or something. She looks tired but lovely. And distressed. He wonders if Shaun is still giving her trouble.

As she walks in the door, she immediately updates him on the patient before he can inquire about what’s bothering her.

“Finn’s exam was normal,” she reports. She looks as if she’s ready to leave for the night, coat on and purse at her shoulder. He’s glad to see she’s not carrying her briefcase as a sign that she isn’t taking any work home like he is.

Neil grabs the handles on his briefcase ready to head out as well. It lightens his mood a bit that maybe he’ll be able to walk out with her, hopefully ease some of the tension of the day with a few encouraging words or a good-natured joke at her expense. He can tell there’s more she wants to say given her less than enthusiastic delivery of such good news.

“But I am not sure It was worth the risk.” Claire stops a few feet away, a tightness in her expression.

And there it is. Shaun had gotten into her head. A smart, beautiful head on which he hated to see such lingering doubt.

Dropping his briefcase in a chair, he quickly rebuffs her conclusion. “We did a good thing today. Mostly because of you,” he assures her as he leans against the back of the chair.

Claire looks away, uncomfortably accepting the compliment, almost dismissing his praise. “That’s kind of you to say, but…” It’s not often he sees her at a loss for words, yet the situation bothers her and she seems to be having a particularly difficult time processing this win.

“Your commitment to your patients … it reminds me of why I got into medicine.”

He can feel her watching him intently until she smiles tightly and then looks away. He hopes she feels his high regard and belief that she can do anything she sets her mind to. She’s so amazing and he’s compelled to express a little of what he sees in her. He can’t quite meet her eyes thinking about how he can convey this to her.

“Being around you makes me a better surgeon. A better … person.”

He finally raises his gaze and is instantly caught in the curious warmth of hers, tired yet also focused on him. He wonders if he’s said too much. She’s smiling shyly as she looks down at her feet and shuffles. Then she begins to fidget as she reaches up to tuck an imaginary strand of hair behind her ear even though its mostly piled atop her head. Her flushed, pretty face is on full display, and he tries not to stare.

“Well,” she stammers, hopefully missing the enjoyment her reaction has stirred in him. Claire’s told him how terrible he is at hiding his amusement when she’d done something he finds funny. It’s all in the eyes, she’d said. She pauses, appears to reconsider a response to him. “Well, I guess, I’m just returning the favor.”

Neil does openly grin at that, glad he hasn’t scared her off. He stands and grabs his briefcase from the chair. “You heading out? I’ll walk with you.” She nods and leads him to the door as he follows closely behind.

As they walk down the hallway, their pace is slow, both content to leisurely stroll in each other’s company.

“What do you have planned tonight?” she asks. “Sleep, I hope. I can’t believe you pulled an all-nighter.” She shakes her head and chuckles, poking him in the arm. “Now you’re going to have to catch up on all that beauty rest.”

“Ouch,” he says, both to the poke and her jab, though with a smirk. “We can’t all be naturally effervescent like you.” She laughs at that. “Besides, it wasn’t a full all-nighter. I conked out on the couch for a few hours around 1 AM before getting up and doing some more research. And that probably would have been you up all night if I hadn’t sent you home.”

She nods. “You’re probably right. And I don’t mean to be a downer. I really am glad it worked out. I just kept thinking there was something more we could do. Like when something is on the tip of your tongue and you can’t shake it.”

“Right. And Murphy wasn’t exactly a beacon of optimism today. I’m sorry about that.”

She winces. “Yeah, who knew this scorned version of him would be such an asshole. I’m still mad at him for using that favoritism complaint to undermine me. Dismissing my ideas as you just wanting to be nice to me was really hurtful. And all the snipes at me.” She shrugs. “But it’s partially my own doing for pushing him to come back to work. I really thought it would help for him to focus on the medicine like he’s always saying. I guess he needs time to mope and rage like the rest of us. Finn gave him some advice about moving on and it seemed to resonate with him, so we’ll see.”

They reach the elevator and wait after Neil presses the button. “I’m glad to hear that because he did _not_ like my breakup advice,” he adds a bit sourly.

“What did you say to him?” The empty elevator arrives and they step in. “If you don’t mind sharing. I don’t want to pry.” She presses the ground floor and they stand in silence as the door closes.

Neil shrugs. “There’s no secret to it. We’ve talked about this before. I told him how I’ve gotten my heart broken twice in the last couple of years. And I had to work with my ex every day after. So, I showed up and pretended I was fine until I was.” He’d opened up to her about it a few weeks ago during a run when he’d mentioned the awkwardness of having to deal with Lim on the favoritism complaint.

“Fake it til you make it,” Claire reiterates. “I can see why he couldn’t appreciate it. He’s not very good at faking it.”

The elevator doors open up on the ground floor and Neil gestures for Claire to go first. “True. It’s a good thing my threat to throw him out of the program worked.

Claire’s laugh dances across his senses as they head toward the entrance. It soothes his tired, frayed nerves. “Hey, you wanna grab dinner?” she asks.

They both push through the building’s framed doors and slow as they descend the steps. Neil’s a little surprised at the invitation, but also pleased. It doesn’t escape his notice that maybe he’s been too forward with her – his admissions about how she inspires him, his concern over Murphy. Maybe he shouldn’t be tempting fate when he knows he has romantic feelings for her.

It’s been a long day, though, and he wouldn’t mind extending their relaxing banter for a bit longer. 

“If you’re busy or worried about what Shaun said about you …” Her nervous backtracking snaps his attention back to her and what probably feels like an awkward pause while he gathered his thoughts.

“No,” he dismisses with a wave. “That’s not it.” They’ve now stopped on the front sidewalk where they’d normally part ways. “Dinner sounds nice. We should try that Peruvian place.” Neil scrutinizes her, noticing her squirm a bit. “You wouldn’t rather have dinner with Dash?” he inquires.

She sighs, yet her lips pull upward at him being able to read her so well. “Dash did mention having dinner tonight if I’m free. But I saw him last night, and I’d rather have dinner with you.” A shy glance at him triggers another set of flutters in his chest. Still, he senses something more and waits her out.

Claire rolls her eyes and puts her hands in her pockets. “So, I took your advice I guess, and we finally kissed.”

Neil keeps his reaction neutral. “And …”

“I don’t know.” She shuffles her feet and looks away. “It didn’t exactly move the earth or anything.”

This time, Neil tries not to react to her words with smug delight, though that’s what he feels.

“Then I guess you can tell me all about it over dinner. Meet you at the Peruvian place in 10?”

Smiling, Claire nods, a faint blush in her cheeks. She turns to head to her car, pulling out her phone and texting someone from the looks of it. He wonders what excuse she’ll give Dash for why she’s not available tonight.

No, he doesn’t care. All that matters is that she’ll be with him.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

Neil emerges from the surgical wing and checks his watch. Right on time, he thinks as he turns the corner into the main hallway.

Immediately, he winces as the sunlight hits his face. He shuts his eyes, seeing white spots and sparks similar to a camera flashing in your face when you’re not expecting it. As he carefully reopens his eyes, he feels a stab of pain and dread mixed with a deep sorrow that he can’t explain. A weird sense of deja vu.

Then it passes and he’s standing in the middle of his hospital hallway.

Neil has experienced some rough days in his life, but today is one of the roughest he’s seen in a long time. The earthquake that hit San Jose last night caused an overwhelming flood of the sick and hurt, heartbreaking casualties, dire decision-making, and too many close calls.

And he could have been one of them.

When the quake hit, he’d been in his office preparing to leave for a fundraiser at a brewery run by a former patient. Claire had planned to come with him, but she’d gotten suckered into taking on an extra patient at the last minute. So, they’d both been running late.

As soon as the tremors subsided, he rushed out of his office to head down to the ER. When he got to the stairwell, an incoming call from Audrey lit up his phone. She’d just gotten assigned the brewery as the location for her H.U.R.T. team and remembered he’d been on his way there. He assured her that he was fine and en route to the ER where they would need all hands on deck.

Making his way to the front of the crowd, he stood next to Claire as he spotted Audrey running down the hall to start their emergency staff briefing. He asked Claire if she was okay and she nodded, relief at seeing him safe evident in her eyes as well.

But his relief was short-lived as Audrey tapped his team of residents to accompany her to the brewery that had collapsed during the earthquake. Glassman was fine, but they had a disaster site full of about a hundred casualties to clear out, and it would be a long night for all of them. She’d told Neil to stay behind since they were short on surgeons – he’d handle Surgery while Andrews took care of the ER.

He hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye to Claire before she’d climbed into one of the EMT transports and disappeared.

But she’d made it back to the hospital okay, even when a big aftershock hit. She’d been transporting his former patient, Marta, after what sounded like a crazy on-site spinal surgery where Claire had used a beer engine for a cell saver. When Marta’s wife, Noreen, had told him about it while he and Claire transferred Marta to a hospital bed, he’d looked to Claire in astonishment for her ingenuity.

Then pride.

And finally a fair bit of lust.

Noreen had called it incredible.

‘Spend enough time with Dr. Browne and you get used to incredible,’ he’d replied. He held Claire's gaze, letting his emotions spill over into his soft expression. Then he turned to wheel Marta to recovery and Claire retreated back to the brewery with the EMT transport.

And they’d all gone about their duties. He’d spent the entire night in surgery, one after the other. Glassman had joined him at some point as they tag-teamed on referrals from the ER. Morgan had wandered into the gallery for some of the time, her hands wrapped and looking frustrated at not being able to help out. Feeling a little bad for her, he quizzed her as he worked, which helped to keep him focused and he was sure helped her feel better for getting benched during a crisis.

Now it’s early morning right after sunrise and Lim finally tapped him for a break and a few hours of sleep. The bright sun hurt his eyes after being in the artificial lights in the surgical suites. Lim had filled him in on Park’s tragic young patient, and Murphy’s troublesome break in protocol that inadvertently helped save a woman’s life at the expense of her leg. Claire had returned with Lim and immediately joined Andrews in the ER where she’d been working for several hours.

Maybe it’s the exhaustion or the relief at having avoided a disaster at the brewery, but his urge to lay eyes on Claire felt overwhelming. If he wasn’t so bone-tired, he’d go down to the ER to lend a hand under the guise of getting a glimpse of her, maybe even checking on her as they worked together on a patient.

He knows he shouldn’t give into this pull he has toward her, but he’s always been one to follow his heart over his head when it comes to love.

Love? Is that what he’s feeling? The thought is terrifying. And enticing.

It’s not as if anything has really changed in their friendship. Over dinner a couple of weeks ago, she’d explained how she’d kissed Dash but hadn’t felt any particular spark or attraction. They’d talked it through and left it at Claire giving it some time for romantic feelings to sink in. He’d been proud of himself for that bit of advice, keeping his own roiling emotions out of his genuine need to do what’s best for her. It’d been a relaxing night, one of good company.

When he’d caught her texting as he’d returned from the bathroom, he’d inquired about whether Dash was checking up on her. But she’d said it was just her therapist confirming an appointment tonight. Over dessert, they’d talked about how she’d found a good fit with her therapist who was accommodating of her crazy schedule. She’d seemed disappointed to cut their night short when she had to leave. 

They’ve gone for their runs as usual. He’d told her about plans for his sister’s upcoming birthday. She’d updated him on her amicable decision with Dash to just be friends. He’d taken the residents out for drinks for Morgan’s last day before her procedure. They’d started out sitting apart but had eventually drifted next to each other as he and Park debated Claire and Shaun about the proper way to scramble eggs.

Nothing in how they’d interacted outside of work or otherwise signaled any reason for an escalation of feelings on his part, yet …

Neil shakes his head, eager to clear such frustrating thoughts. He continues on toward his office to check his messages and sign off on a few things before getting a few hours of sleep as ordered. It can probably wait until later, but he’ll feel better getting it done now.

“Dr. Melendez?”

He turns to find Nurse Petringa, also looking like she’s seen better days, jogging to catch up with him.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Can you give this chart to Claire? I told her I’d drop it by later, but I finished updating it and I know she’ll want to sign off before she goes off the clock for her break.”

“I haven’t seen her in hours. You might have more luck finding her than I would. But I’m going up to my office now and can send a message to her that I’m holding it.” He takes the chart, looking it over briefly but too tired to process who it’s for.

Petringa looks confused. “Oh, I thought you were going to the locker room. That’s where she was headed a few minutes ago. But I can take it to her.” She reaches over to retrieve the chart, but Neil blocks her.

“No, I’ve got it.” Petringa raises a brow at that, surprised by his insistence. “I mean, you look like you’ve got something else going on, and I’m passing that way.” She looks at him suspiciously, but lets it go.

“Right,” he hears her mutter as she retreats. He has to bite his tongue not to respond.

Besides, now he knows where Claire is and has an excuse to seek her out.

Sure enough, he finds her in the locker room, standing in front of her open locker and shuffling around items inside. He’s seen her locker before, and it’s a mess. If he didn’t work with her regularly and know her skills for precision, he’d think she was a total nightmare based on the chaos. It’s endearing and makes him smile even now.

And she’s so exhausted, she doesn’t even hear him approach. He slowly advances, noticing her slumped shoulders and slow movement. Her scrubs look a bit askew across her shoulders and her hair is mussed from the busyness of the day. She looks like hell.

Yet she’s also like a breath of fresh air to him.

He walks right up to her as she finishes stuffing something in her locker. Before she closes the door, a picture catches her eye and Neil’s too.

It’s the same picture he saw at Kayla’s bedside over a year ago, the selfie with her, Dash, and Claire dressed up for their faux-Halloween.

“I remember that,” he says, smiling at the image of a young Claire.

She startles, and now he can see the full extent of her exhaustion in the bloodshot eyes and pallid skin color. Audrey stepped in not a moment too soon taking her off rotation.

“That bad, huh?” she says, a weak smile in response to his concern at her sorry state.

“No worse the me, I’m sure,’ he admits, returning her smile.

This makes her chuckle. “What do you mean? I’ve never seen you anything less than GQ-worthy.” He joins in her laughter at their running joke.

She looks back at the picture and runs her fingers across it, similar to Kayla when she’d first shown it to him. “Dash gave this to me a few days ago. We went to visit Kayla’s grave together.” She turns back toward him. “It was kind of an apology trip for things not turning out how she’d planned. Dash said it was one of his and Kayla’s favorite pictures of us and reminded Kayla that we could get through anything.” A momentary warmth lit up her eyes before fading.

“I remember her telling me that.” Claire’s eyes reflect her curiosity at how that came about. “She had it with her in the room while she underwent her procedure. I noticed it when I went to check on her during rounds, and she told me all about it.” Claire nods. Leaning against the lockers next to her, hands in his pockets, he watches her slide a finger across it once more before closing the door and snapping closed her lock. “Seems like even back then you were such a soft touch.”

Claire rolls her eyes at him, though his jab has succeeded in chasing the sadness from her eyes. “I’m scared to know what she told you. Kayla always had a gift for colorful commentary.”

“That she did,” Neil agrees, even from the short time he’d been around her. “And she may have gotten me to promise to put in a good word for Dash if he ever asked you out.”

Narrowing her eyes at him, Claire seems taken aback. “Okay, so that explains why you were so strangely supportive of us going out the last time we were in this room talking about it."

“Not strangely,” Neil objects, grinning. “He seems like a nice guy, and you were really happy to see him. So, I fulfilled a patient’s dying wish.”

“And afterwards? When you were rooting for us to make out?”

Neil winces. “I wouldn’t put it like that. I was being supportive!” Claire’s frown turns to a smirk as she gives him a hard time. He turns serious as he stares down at her. “I just want you to be happy,” he adds. He holds her gaze, and knows he needs to move on before he’s tempted to reveal too much. He’s just tired and weak enough to slip up “It was interesting seeing that side to you,” he tells her, diverting their conversation. 

Claire hesitates, but lets it go, too. “What, the silly, college version of Claire Browne?”

“Well, yes, that, but also the fun, relaxed version of you. What were you dressed up as?”

Claire laughs, now also leaning against the lockers facing him. “I was like a generic medieval maiden or something. A hodgepodge of all the stuff I had from my Renaissance Faire gig.” She crossed her arms. “And I don’t believe you found it interesting at all. You were so mad at me back then.”

“Was I?” Neil pretends to think about it, and Claire shoves him in the shoulder, more of a nudge than a push given her lack of energy. He straightens and hands her the chart he’s been holding. “Petringa said you’re looking for this.

Taking the chart, Claire nods, flipping it open and noting something with the attached pen before signing it. “Thanks. I’d been waiting on this. I’m glad to get it done before I get a few hours of welcome sleep. Where are you headed?”

“Same as you. Lim took me off duty for a few hours to get some rest. I wasn’t going to complain at this point.”

They both walk out of the locker room at a leisurely pace. Claire stops by the nurses’ station to return the chart and exchange words of encouragement with her friend there. In silent agreement, they head across the floor to access the far elevator that would take them to the on-call rooms. They caught up on the different emergencies they’d been taking care of.

He updates her on Marta’s condition and his expectation of a full recovery. She mentions that she’d visited Morgan who told her about sitting in on his surgeries from the gallery. Neil briefly abandons his plan to finish a few things in his office in favor of her company.

Luckily the fourth floor room is unoccupied. Although technically any doctor can use any room, this one is favored by the surgical teams for its location, especially his team since it’s closer to his office and the lounge. Park and Murphy have just come back on duty after their break and Lim still has a few more meetings before she’ll go home for the day, turning the reigns over to a rested Glassman and Andrews. This probably explains why they have the room to themselves.

When he follows her into the room, he hears her sigh as she pulls out her phone and taps away, likely setting an alarm for herself. He flips the placaed to show the room occupied and closes the door, welcoming the barrier to the outside world. He also takes his phone out to set an alarm while ignoring the mundane emails that have come in the last hour. He sets his phone on the table next to one of the bunks, but pauses at the silence coming from across the room. Claire looks away quickly from what has surely been her staring at him.

“What?” he asks, curious as to what’s on her mind. It’s been a hard day for them both, and if sharing will help her feel better, he wants to be there for her.

Claire, chuckles nervously. “It’s nothing. Just tired.”

Neil stands in front of his bunk, one of two sets in the room, watching her with careful eyes. “It doesn’t sound like nothing. You don’t have to tell me, but it might help. I know tonight has been a lot for all of us.”

Waving him off, she unclips her ID and sets it next to her phone on the table. “I’m fine. Tonight was crazy, but I didn’t lose anyone like Park or almost die like Shaun.”

“That doesn’t mean that what you’ve been through doesn’t matter. You had to do surgery in the middle of a disaster. That aftershock could have hit before you had a chance to get out of there, and who knows what would have happened. I’m sure that’s scary.”

“What’s scary is that you could have been in the middle of that, too, Neil,” she says, a sudden and emotionally uncensored outburst. She looks up at him and then away, embarrassed.

Neil sighs and his eyes soften even more on her. “But I wasn’t. Because you made us late,” he jokes, hoping to pull her back from such dark thoughts. He walks over to her and puts his hands on her shoulders. “I’m fine. You’re fine. Let’s focus on that.”

She seems to wilt under his close presence as she tries to release what has clearly been pent up anguish that she’s repressed while in the thick of the emergency. Neil slides his arms around her and pulls her to him in a loose hug and she immediately wraps her arms around him, resting her head at his shoulder.

It strikes him how she must feel, thinking about losing another person. He strokes her head softly as he presses her tighter to him. She sniffles a little, but he’s happy not to feel any dampness of tears where her face lays against him. His other hand rubs her back in comfort until he feels some of the tension leave.

After a few minutes, she pulls back, wiping at her eyes and looking away from him with an adorable blush to her cheeks. “Sorry about that. It’s been a long day.

Neil drops his arms from her but doesn’t step back, wanting to stay close. “You don’t have to apologize for that. I think it helps us both feel better.”

She glances up at him. “Yeah?”

“Definitely,” he assures her. “Especially after nights like this, we’ve got to find the time to be here for each other.” She smiles at that. The same sweet expression she’d given him in the locker room when he’d told her she deserved to be happy.

They remain standing close, eyes locked and lost in their own thoughts. He remembers Kayla’s words about the love she’d wanted for her friend and his own words to Claire about waiting for the right time. Before he can process the swelling feelings that threaten to push him into doing something they’d both regret, Claire moves in again and reaches up to press her lips to his.

Neil has never been one to waste a good opportunity when it presents itself.

He immediately responds by pulling her against him. He leans into her, his mouth catching her bottom lip. The light touch of her hands on his arms tightens as she registers his approval, deepens the kiss until they’re breathless and he has her pressed against the frame of the bunk beds behind her. He wants to show her that he feels this pull between them too, even if she’s braver than him in acting on it.

A powerful sense of release courses through his body as his tongue slides against hers and she hums her approval. Retreating to breathe, he feels his mounting arousal fuel an almost unstoppable hunger for her. She moans his name, fighting her own desire before she closes the distance again, and he’s lost in her once more.

With his hands in her hair and her arms reaching dangerously low along his back, they slow their kisses to a smattering of lingering tastes and sensual pecks, oblivious to where they are and who could catch them in a less than professional embrace. Running his lips along her ear as he whispers her name in reverence, he settles on embracing her again and is satisfied to feel her lips at the base of his neck, pressing a kiss there as he holds her.

“We should probably be concerned about someone walking in on us like this,” he says in her ear. Not that it’s enough of a concern for him to let her go. He cradles her face in his palm and feels the curve of her cheek shift upward at her smile.

“We probably should,” she says. “But life is short, and this feels more important.” Neil hums his agreement. She pulls back but only far enough to look him in the eye. “I love you,” she says, a terrified determination written all over her face along with her desire for him.

Neil sighs and holds her tighter, closing his eyes to savor those three beautiful, courageous words. When he reopens them a moment later, it’s with a calm he hadn’t expected.

“I love you too.”

She remembers to breathe, and there’s that smile again, the one he knows he’ll love forever.

It could be the exhaustion that’s broken down their walls or an inevitability waiting to assert itself. There’s no going back from here, but he doesn’t want that anyway. He doesn’t want to deny this. He doesn’t want to settle. He just wants her.

“There’s one thing I need to know, though,” Neil says as he strokes her hair and pauses to catch and kiss the hand that is creeping up his chest to his neck.

She looks at him, curious but cautious about what this new intimacy has stirred. “If you’re worried, this isn’t sleep deprivation or my life flashing before my eyes or me being under the spell of my devilishly handsome boss,” she says, now gliding her fingers along the nape of his neck. It’s doing all sorts of things to his arousal. She holds his head gently but firmly as she meets his gaze. “I know I was the one to insist we be friends, but I don’t regret that we found something more.”

“Me neither,” he assures her. They had a lot to figure out in the days ahead, whether to keep this secret or try to find some way to explore things openly. But he can tell that they’re both up for it. “This might get you booted off my service again,” he warns, but a playfulness in his expression.

“Oh, I don’t know, you might have another kind of service I’m more interested in.” He grins at such bold teasing from her. “Or better yet, you might like it better being on my service.”

Neil’s hand at her lower back reflexively presses her more fulling into him. “I think I’ll enjoy seeing more of this side of you, that’s for sure.” The look she gives him says this is only the tip of a very enticing iceberg. “That’s not what I was going to ask, though,” he says, returning to his earlier remark.

“Oh, okay. What then?”

Neil leans down and kisses her, not deeply but a sound and confident show of his affection. “What I need to know,” he continues, “is whether you still have that medieval maiden outfit. I hear you have the perfect rack for it, and I wouldn’t mind judging for myself.”

Claire steps out of his brace, incredulous but laughing. “Ugh, Kayla! She’s lucky I don’t speak ill of the dead. And now I know you need a nap!” Neil laughs alongside her, missing the feel of her but knowing there’s plenty more for them ahead.

“Can’t blame a guy for asking.” She pushes him toward the opposite bunk and then flops down on her own to slip off her shoes. He does the same as both of them sneak glances at each other. “Well?” he prods, watching as she crawls into the bunk.

She pulls the light blanket over her and adjusts her pillow. “You’ll just have to wonder. Now go to sleep.”

“So bossy,” he whines as he shuffles to the door to flick off the light. “You good?” he asks, scanning her to see if she looks comfortable.

Smiling over to him, she nods. “It’s been a helluva day, but I’m very good now. You good?”

Neil’s eyes soften as does his grin. “Better than I could have imagined. Get some rest. We’ve got all the time in the world now.”

The last thing he sees before the lights go out is the brightness in her eyes reflecting the promise they’ll both enjoy fulfilling.

In that flash when light gives way to darkness, his mind conjures up his hopes and desires – the many months of sneaking around that come surprisingly easy, the challenging adjustment to being both colleagues and lovers, the shock and eventual acceptance of their co-workers, and finally, settling into their beautiful life together and all the partnership, family, and evolving love that brings.

He can’t wait.

END

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a brutal, busy, stressful few weeks all around and for so many others, too. I'm happy to finally get back to this series in the midst of everything. I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading. Be well!


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